I've begun to believe that we are all truly made of stardust and that sometimes we align and sometimes we shine.
I feel the stars aligning and shining for me right now.
After a month of introspection, living within my head and extracting my thoughts from mind to paper, I finally finished my 20 pages of fiction to fulfill my admissions requirements for the MFA of Creative Writing at Murray State, but I'm in.
It was ugly.
First, I baptized my poor laptop with wine and it refused to be resurrected. I resorted to writing in a journal, and, with the help of my great friends, I got it typed out. Jackie typed most of it and I hijacked several friends' computers to complete the process.
The creative process was interesting. I would wake up in the middle of the night and write, drink, smoke absurd numbers of cigarettes and collapse into heap; completely spent. I decided that if this submission, which will serve as chapter one, wore me paper-thin, that I may not live through the completion of my work. It's cathartic, but tiring, and the lines pour from me like a slow-dripping faucet sometimes and sometimes like a wave that washes over my consciousness; straight from vein to paper.
So..meet Dani:-) She's my main girl. Dani is based on Shakespeare's Ophelia and is in love with a man who will never love her; an immortal. She kills herself in every incarnation, trying to make it work, trying to overcome their obstacles. She finally listens to her gut and her dreams and realizes that she is immortal as well.
I call her Dani in honor of Red Hot Chili Peppers and Anthony Keidis, who I adore, and names only one woman in any of his songs..Dani:-)
So I had to become Dani and we had a strange journey.
Writing is not unlike acting. You get inside the head of your character and explore.
During this process, I thought a lot, forgave a lot and laughed a lot. I want to thank my friends and family who supported me through this process and put up with my crazy ass.
I emerged from my head with some clarity and some intolerance for bullshit. I began to love myself and from there I discovered a world of love I've never known; especially for Dad, who is most like me..and the vastness of that love is immeasurable.
I called my grandmother and had discussions about everything from literature to why Dad doesn't write more.
I talked to dad about his favorite authors, his philosophies, and I've never felt to close to my family.
Dad, if you are reading this, I will tell you what Gran told me when I was just a little, scrawny thing.
"Write! Write like hell!"
I love you and I am so much like you that it's uncanny. You, my love, are inextricably tied to this legacy, as am I. We are storytellers and it's painful to see you bleed it halfway through newsletters and such. You have a Tolkein-like way of describing things and maybe my voice is a little different, but you made me believe in fairies and other worlds. I thank you for that:-)
I draw inspiration from everything right now because, truly, the story of you is the story of me, and, ultimately the story of us all.
We are all made of the same matter; the same stardust. Sometimes we align and sometimes we shine. Right now I am thanking my lucky stars.
I dig this wild ride through the cosmos.
Love and stardust XOXO,
Kara
