Society emphasizes the importance of coupling up. So what is the perfect pairing and how do we know? I've kissed enough frogs, so I'm content sitting this year out on the bench while everyone else plays the field..but who is Prince Charming and how do you hone your internal PCGPS (Prince Charming Global Positioning System)?
Let's explore some theories, y'all.
Knight in Shining Armor Theory
You gals know this is bullshit just as well as I do. If you can't get yourself out of a jam, some guy on a white horse isn't gonna save your ass. Plus, once you are riding off into the sunset, he may give you an aside like, "Ummmm...I'm still with someone, but we're breaking up...", or "So I can crash at your place, right? I've got my toothbrush in the saddlebag."
Just because a guy rushes in to save the day, doesn't make him Mr. Right. It just means he has good timing.
Kiss Enough Frogs Theory
Okay, so this is what every mom tells their daughter when she is drowning in a pool of her own snot, consuming an entire pint of Haagan Daaz and has her keys in hand to run to the store for pint two. Drop the Daaz, sis. Mom may be partially right on this one; however, it's totally cool not to kiss the frogs.
I mean, wouldn't your life have been easier if you figured out two weeks into your relationship with that artist guy that he was sucking you dry of emotion and money. It would have saved you several hundred dollars, months of feeling sorry for yourself and the subsequent pity pounds you put on. Keep your skinny jeans. Keep your girls night out. Lose the losers.
Field of Dreams Theory
This one's pretty common, too. Remember "Field of Dreams?" "When you build it, they will come?"
So I get this one a lot from happily-marrieds or from friends or from dad. When the time is right, they'll just show up.
Okay, what kinda Houdini sorta soul mate am I in for, huh? Isn't that kinda creepy? What? Is he watching me? Seeing if I'm ready?
*Cut to:
Kara in the brand-new office of a brand-new job. She is surrounded by puppies and kittens and has whittled her waist to a size 3.
Enter Houdini Soulmate in a puff of smoke with cool sound effects.
Kara: Who the hell are you and where did you come from?
Houdini: Don't be so hostile, sis. I'm the man of your dreams.
Kara: Really? Where's your apron and spatula? Do you have a massage license? I thought I told God when I was 5 that you would be a bit taller and bring ice cream.
Houdini: Okay, I'll go to the store. What's your favorite?
Kara: Aren't you just supposed to know? Geez? Do I have to do all the work? I think you should leave. I've got a lot of work to do and the cloud of smoke that you hopped out of is freaking out the puppies and kittens.
*Houdini disappears in another cloud of smoke.
So, what I'm trying to illustrate here is that even if the timing is perfect and the guy seems perfect, we are all skeptics and sometimes have unrealistic expectations.
My Theory: The Comfy Blanket Theory
So I have this theory that when I find it, it will feel like home. It will feel comfortable, natural, easy. To expand upon this theory, I think it applies to all aspects of my life. When it's right, it will seem like I made it home.
So do we find our home? Do we make a home? Who knows. I'm too obsessed with tweaking recipes right now to worry. Gazpacho, anyone?
Listening to: "Polyester Bride" Liz Phair and "Borne on the FM Radio Waves of the Heart" Against Me!
Watching: "500 Days of Summer"
Reading: Random photo publications and my own horoscope
